More RANDOM Shinentai stuff. (Prepare for imminent lolz.)
[Loz and Yazoo continuing an anti-gay fight - they decide somehow that they must physically fight to prove how straight they are.]
Loz: [whips out penis] See how flaccid I am for you? You're clearly the gay one!
Yazoo: [whips out penis] No, yours just looks flaccid because it's smaller. See, mine is both larger AND quite flaccid for you. But see, when I look at a woman like Tifa...[turns to look at Tifa, which causes an erection] See? See?! Mm, boobies.
Loz: …What? …Where?
MOAR gay fight stuff!!
Loz: Okay! New rule! First one to say “not gay” isn’t gay! [really fast] NOTGAY!!
Yazoo: Not gay!! Oh! Dammit!
Yazoo: …How does that prove someone’s sexual preference?!
Loz: A gay person would have a harder time saying it! It goes against their very nature.
Yazoo: …Damn you, Loz. Damn you to Shinra’s labs.
Loz: …You…you horror!!
Scenes where Loz does stupid things to Jenova and her giant tube thing.
[Loz brings Jenova a bouquet]
Loz: Mother! I bought you a bouquet! [He pronounces it “bucket”]
Yazoo: “Bucket”? Loz, don’t you mean “bouquet”?
Loz: What? No, you guys are thinking “croquet”, like the food.
Yazoo: Loz, that’s a game.
Loz: What? …Are you winning?
Kadaj: No Loz, you are. Go back to bed.
[Another one with the bouquet.]
Loz: Mother! I bought you a bouquet!
[Loz drops the flowers into Jenova’s tube like it’s a vase. He then pours the packet of flower food/preserver into the tube. The water turns opaque, and Jenova turns green and starts sprouting flowers and plants out of her.]
Loz: Mother?! Oh my god, Mother!
Kadaj: What did you do?! Now we have weed our mother, thanks a lot.
Yazoo: We have to prune our mother. Do you understand how weird that is?
Loz: I don’t understand anything!! TT_TT
[Loz drains Jenova’s tube, fills it with sand and then ants.]
Yazoo: What have you done?!
Loz: I made Mother an ant farm!
Kadaj: What were you thinking when you did that?!
Loz: I was thinking about the ants. And how lonely Mother must be.
[Here’s one with alternate endings: Loz decides to turn Jenova’s tube into a fish tank, and gets a few fish to put in there. Unfortunately, he gets carnivorous fish. (You pick the breed.) The fish start nibbling on Jenova.]
Loz: No! Don’t eat Mother! You’re supposed to eat these fish flakes here! [He tries to reach in and grab them, but they’re too fast and too deep.]
[Ending 1: Loz grabs Yazoo by the feet and dunks him into the tube.]
Loz: You’re fast, Yazoo! You can get them!
Yazoo: Glurp! @.o
[Ending 2: Loz grabs Yazoo by the feet and dunks him into the tube. Yazoo gets so pissed off that he just grabs Velvet Nightmare and tries to shoot the fish.]
[Ending 3: Loz gets Yazoo to come over and try to help him get the fish.]
Yazoo: [Rolls his eyes, grabs Velvet Nightmare and opens fire in the tank. He shoots each of the fish with a single shot.] Problem solved. -_-;;
Loz: [after having dunked Yazoo in the tank, before Yazoo has done anything]Oh, I see the problem now!! I didn’t put this anti-stress stuff in the tank! [dumps some in while Yazoo is still in there]
Yazoo: [begins to succumb to the effects of the anti-stress coating and starts to fall asleep]
Loz: [sees what’s happening and pulls Yazoo out of the tank]
Yazoo: [comes around] I just felt so…so relaxed all of the sudden….
Loz: [begins to whistle innocently]
[Loz removes Jenova from…wherever it is they’re keeping her…and places her on top of a really tall building. He secures her to a spinning table and puts a switched-on flashlight between her hands. He sets her spinning slowly.]
Yazoo: [catches Loz] Loz, what have you done?!
Loz: Look! I turned Mother into a lighthouse! =^^=
Kadaj: [also just caught up] What made you think that was a good idea?! [furious]
Loz: Well, now people won’t crash into this place!
Yazoo: …Loz? Mother wanted to crash into THIS PLANET.
Loz: …Oh, right. …Darn it.
Kadaj: [shakes head] You’ve turned her into an oxymoron!
Loz: [gasps] Don’t you call Mother that!
Yazoo and Kadaj: [shake heads in unison and escort Loz back to bed]
Loz: [begins to heat up Jenova’s tube and starts to put beef-flavoured bullion cubes in the water.]
Yazoo: Loz! What in Mother’s name are you doing?!
Loz: I’m giving Mother some of the spice of life!
Kadaj: …Are you completely stupid?!
Loz: Oh, you’re right! [reaches for something in his pockets] I forgot the green onion!
Yazoo: …Get away from Mother!
Kadaj: And stay out of the kitchen!
[It’s finally a quiet moment, and Kadaj and Yazoo are beginning to worry. Something might go down with Loz and Mother’s tube. They find him sitting in his bedroom, eating cold spaghetti. (Hey, why not?)]
Yazoo: Hey, Loz, we’ve been thinking.
Loz: [slurps up last bit of pasta] Yeah?
Kadaj: How is it that we never catch you doing all those things to Mother?
Loz: [shrugs] I dunno. I guess you’re just naturally unabsorbent.
Yazoo: …I think you mean “unobservant”, Loz.
Loz: [thinks about it for a second] …Nnnnno. I know what I meant.
Kadaj: [smacks Loz] Go to bed, Loz.
[Yazoo and Loz playing FFVII, trying to learn more about their origins]
Loz: [not really paying attention] Hey, what’s that noise?
Yazoo: [actually playing the game] It’s Cloud, powering up.
Loz: …His gay?
Yazoo: …Besides that.